CRINGETAPE AlphA

by Wesda

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1.
02:49
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00:34
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02:58
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01:36
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03:05
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02:50
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01:17

credits

released December 12, 2016

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Wesda Melbourne, Australia

Worst rapper on the internet

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Track Name: Cringe Rap
Rap so cringe doors fall of the hinge
Rap so cringe your ears will be singed
Never drink on binge or apply syringe
I’m living in bins 'cause I rap so cringe

Everyone says that I rap so cringey
Apply your pacifier, stop being so whingey
Im not in it to win it, when they hear it they grimace
My tracks are fictitious, like Father Christmas
The cringiest rapper that you’ve seen lately
No-one can take me not even Ethan from H3
I made the queen cringe, I’m the cringey king
You know I’m definitely cringe when you hear me sing

I call myself cringey, what is even with me
My raps an’ my rhymes you can’t bear like a grizzly
I can’t rap serious cause you think I’m hideous
My rap is whack cause I’m not black like Sirius
I wanna shift away from hypocriticism
I won’t respond like infantile autism
I rap so cringey that you’ll want compensation
You’ll find me in the next ‘Try not to cringe compilation’
I’m cringey when I rap, I’m cringey when I chat
I’m cringier than when Bush said let's go to Iraq
I can't tell a girl that she has a nice bum
Because I’m almost as cringe as whining Ricegum
I should really be called the Notorious cringe
‘Cause I’m almost as cringe as the Sartorious kid
They can’t diss me cause I’ve just dissed myself
I’ll show haters the track and watch their mind melt
Track Name: Sushi ft. Yung Son
Girl, you’re a beauty
I hope you choose me
enter jacuzzi
You can eat up my sushi

I’ll cuddle for enjoyment
I want to be your boyfriend
I don’t mind if you’re annoying
Ill get you coffee in the morning
Oh girl you’re perfect
My dick you deserve it
Please baby don’t hurt it
I’ll show you how to jerk it
Your body is so curvy
Now you got me so nervy
If you think I’m nerdy, you
Delirious; Eddie Murphy
Who cares what your mum say
I’m a care for you all day
You’re so pretty like Grande
I love you more than Harambe

Reproductive Glands
Going all ham
Using my hands
Girl. no one understands

Ya Boy stink like Blue cheese
My dick feels like a cool breeze
I swear it ain’t that puny
And if it is don’t sue me
Don’t dog like snoopy
Girl, I love you truly
Even when you moody
You’re still such a cutie
We could go out for a smoothie
No one else just you and me
I want to touch your boobies
They look oh so juicy
I wanna tap that booty
Slap it red like a ruby
You could be my roomie
We could make a movie
Track Name: I Saw A Girl
I saw a girl at uni
I walked up to her and said excuse me
You are the prettiest girl in the world
You are worth more than diamond pearls
It would be an honour to retrieve your number
Call me anytime you need a lover
I thought that I had finally wooed her
But then she replied ‘I am your tutor’
Track Name: Mandarins
Silly Oranges, they don’t rhyme with anything
Throw them away only eat mandarins
If you want the orange grin and c vitamins, then
you only need to eat, mandarins

Prior to embarking on my cringe rap journey
I better take citrus fruits to prevent scurvy
Lemons and Limes I buy, are far too sour
And Orange consumption takes like half an hour
They’re easy to buy and they’re easy to peel
Mandarins get me high, only fruit that’s real
You can spit the pips at the rest of your clique
Mandarins will get bitches on your dick
If you handle Fanta tins than go find a man to rim
I be at the local drinkin’ Mizone flavoured mandarin
You now have reason to be happy when it’s freezin’
‘cause July to October is Mandarin season

ascorbic acid, makes you 6 inches Flaccid
Eat it out of habit no need for a salad
That stuff’s for Joey I ain’t some sort of phony
If you don’t eat mandarins then you ain’t my homie
So much mandarin like I’m speaking Chinese
Find me at the spring temple prayin’ on my knees
Worshippin’ mandarin like it’s the holy shen
Thank god and heavens for evolution
So the mandarins grow to a decent size
You can peel it with your hands or use a butter knife
I’m going home with some mandarins tonight
Did I ever tell you this fruit saved my life
Track Name: Swaggin' Like Donald
Swaggin’ like Donald
Swaggin’ like Donald
Swaggin’ like Donald
Pockets fatter than McDonald’s
Swaggin’ like Donald
Swaggin’ like Donald
Swaggin’ like Donald
Pockets fatter than O’Donnell

I been getting’ rich
since like 1946
Runnin’ this game
Celebrity Apprentice
Ain’t nobody hearin’ me
Fresh as hell toupe
If you voted Hillary
What you got to say?

Donald Trump swaggin’
The White House I’m bagging’
The pussy I’m grabbing’
In my station wagon
Gonna have to wait a term
If you want a female
This spot you earn
By keeping your emails

45th in power
Showed up all the doubters
Girl, I got a big tower
Grab your pussy in the shower
Mike Pence and I
In the office gettin’ high
On my brain not a stain
Make America great again
Track Name: Bike Chain
10K for this bike chain
Don’t question these white stains
My bass gives you migraines
Rock hard abs like Mike Chang

Gassed up like Propane
Sniffed up some cocaine
If you be steppin’ into my domain
You’ll end up with a slow membrane
I got weapons like Saddam Hussein
I’ll put you in that aeroplane
You’ll fly into that world trade
Or you’ll blow up over the ukraine
I’ve got racks and capital gains
You’ve got fat and daisy chains
If you come into my sea lane
I’ll suck you up like a hurricane

More popular than Star Wars
Bought a Ford from the car store
Girl, what you wearing’ that bra for
Girl, you know my raps are hardcore
She sells seashells by the seashore
Pull up in my v8 commodore
Rip that flesh like a carnivore and
Hang you on the fence like Ecuador
Get off dat dance floor
I’ll rip you open like french doors
I’m half horse like a centaur
Your mum shops for decor

BRIDGE (2 Parts)
Bike chain around my neck
Bike chain around my neck
ASAP put that on my set
My chain make the pussies wet

Bike chain around my neck
Bike chain around my neck
3pac shit with nuggets on deck
Talk shit and you will get rekt
Track Name: 2 Minute Noodles
I eat chicken or beef, whenever I please
Or even oriental if I’m feeling’ Japanese
This ramen beat could not get harder
Noodles hot enough to bomb Pearl Harbour
My Lips eat noodles like a Romeo kiss
Better love story than Tokyo Drift
You can eat it in ya Benz or have it in ya beamer
Or in your Kawasaki, underneath Hiroshima
I need the salt reduced, 99 fat free
I can eat a shitload and not gain a kay gee
A dollar for a cup thats unbelievably priced
But even in the packet it’s better value than rice
When you’re camping have a cup by the fire
If you’re fully blazed then this shit will get you higher
When you see a Uni student with the dilated pupils
You know they’re eyeing off some 2 minute noodles
5 pack of Maggi’s is all I can afford
When the cupboard’s empty, I’m falling’ on my sword
A bit of sweet chilli sauce can never fail
Almost as good as eating sushi or humpback whale
Track Name: A Christmas Banger
You needa be a good boy if you want some presents
You needa be a good Girl if you want some presents
Coming up to Christmas
Writing up my wishlist
Getting many riches
I leave the grinch in stitches

If you don't believe in Santa
You are straight up cancer
My favourite reindeers prancer
Providing straight up banter
On Santa’s lap for a picture
Hey Santa nice to meet ya
He then whispered in my ear
Be quiet or I'll eat ya
I'm like why is Santa male?
I'm like why is Santa white
Thats a big fail
Where is the equal rights
Eggnog got me tripping
Im brandy custard sippin
Eating turkey and chicken
I hate Jesus and religion

Opening up my presents
Thinking of the peasants
Lol they didn’t get presents
Haha they are all homeless
With the fam for lunch
The Bon bons going snap
The Crackle going crunch
Then uncle touched my crack
Uncle please do not hurt me
I'm tryna eat my turkey
He then started flirting
Under table jerking
When it’s all over
I go and eat pavlova
But now I got an odour
And there’s stains on the sofa
Track Name: Trenchcoat Mafia
I just bought a tec and it’s got some rounds in it
Pull up at your school and put some rounds in it
Wet a classroom and watch them drown in it
TrenchCoat Mafia, are you down with it?

on some
school shooter swag
Propane in the bag
Trench Coat Mafia
My tec never Jams
School Shooter Swag
Don’t make me mad
Walk in with my trench coat
And make your family sad

shoot every bully that called me a pussy
Should’ve left me lone, should’ve never freakin’ pushed me
I want to see red but I ain’t colourblind
We’re gonna be the next heroes of Columbine
Text friends ‘I wouldn’t come to school tomorrow’
Unless they want their families to drown in sorrow
Drop off the 2 duffels of propane
You kidding yourself if you think we got no aim
I pop jocks in the cock with just one shot
to make fake cops start shakin’ in their socks
Walkin’ in the building and cause mass hysteria
Your lucky the bombs didn’t blow the cafeteria

Shake up the room when my gun goes boom
Playin it cool, this is level on DOOM
Natural Selection printed cross the chest
Putting the students to the ultimate test
With my sawn off shotty my nose gets snotty
Wipe it on the sleeve of some dead girls body
Don’t you hate it when you’re in the library just chillin’
And in walk the big boys Eric And Dylan
That’s it we going out with some bangin’
This much more exciting than a lonely hangin’
You and I, Do and die, suicide together
This ends now but nobody will forget us
Track Name: Pneumatic
Rappers monkey flippin when I rip a thick skid
Leaving my witnesses dead along with the victims
Here’s some real rap that’s gonna be classic
Inflate it with air ‘cause it’s fully pneumatic
Hard to understand that Nas is still at it
never could replicate the great Illmatic
I’ll tell you a tale about the city I grew up in
Killed a lot of people, yeah about twenty dozen
Was born in the hood, too hard for some
Lifestyle is good, No need for a gun
I’m cruisin’ through chuke with food in the boot
Spending’ the loot however I choose
Oh no shit, big chopper now on my tail
Damn these coppers could send me straight to jail
If I get shot I’m gonna need some new tyres
The oxygen could blow up and start a big fire
Pop goes the tyres, oh shit I got a puncture
Stingers on the road from a cop undercover
Need some oxygen to get down in my airway
Not gonna puff sitting’ bent up in the stairway
Bullets whizz passed but I don’t even flinch
Each one about a thousand pounds per square inch
2 jakes on my tailgate the berries all blazed
Imma make a stalemate and leave them all dazed
Road turns to 2 lanes they must think I’m insane
Killer on the road with a toad squirmin’ in the brain
Slow right up to let them catch up
Pick up my shotty and buck buck buck
2 shots in one and 1 in the other
Heads hit the wheel and they park in the gutter
I race home quick, so no one sees what I did
I got a lot of drugs and shit, back home at the crib
Back at the crib now, paranoid as shit now
I’m a well known crim, and this not a big town
Adrenaline rushes everytime I hear a peep
I never nap, cause napping is the cousin of sleep
Hope you liked my story, hope it wasn’t boring
Most fans have less attention span than Dory
I think I’ve gone bonkers like dizzee rascal
My head is filled up with excessive kilopascals
Track Name: Windows XP
Windows XP, PC's Supreme
If you like Macs then you are mainstream
Windows XP, PC's Supreme
If you like Macs then you are mainstream

Error Error Error that PC terror
Windows XP from the 2000s era
Get on the compy, throw away my sister
As if I’m gonna upgrade to Windows Vista
Tryin to watch porn don’t let my mum see
I got more viruses than an African country
Internet Explorer explores more than Dora
But stuff that when you’re a gun pinballer
Play until the PC wants to freeze
And that’s when you press Ctrl Alt Delete
I never send the error report
Always got my floppy disk for support
Grass on the hill reminds me of heaven
Why’d you get replaced in 2007
I edjaculate when I hear the start up sound
Not even angry when a virus is found
If you use a Mac then you take big load
‘Cause you know Mac stands for Mega Arse Chode