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CRINGETAPE AlphA

by Wesda

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1.
Cringe Rap 02:49
Rap so cringe doors fall of the hinge Rap so cringe your ears will be singed Never drink on binge or apply syringe I’m living in bins 'cause I rap so cringe Everyone says that I rap so cringey Apply your pacifier, stop being so whingey Im not in it to win it, when they hear it they grimace My tracks are fictitious, like Father Christmas The cringiest rapper that you’ve seen lately No-one can take me not even Ethan from H3 I made the queen cringe, I’m the cringey king You know I’m definitely cringe when you hear me sing I call myself cringey, what is even with me My raps an’ my rhymes you can’t bear like a grizzly I can’t rap serious cause you think I’m hideous My rap is whack cause I’m not black like Sirius I wanna shift away from hypocriticism I won’t respond like infantile autism I rap so cringey that you’ll want compensation You’ll find me in the next ‘Try not to cringe compilation’ I’m cringey when I rap, I’m cringey when I chat I’m cringier than when Bush said let's go to Iraq I can't tell a girl that she has a nice bum Because I’m almost as cringe as whining Ricegum I should really be called the Notorious cringe ‘Cause I’m almost as cringe as the Sartorious kid They can’t diss me cause I’ve just dissed myself I’ll show haters the track and watch their mind melt
2.
Girl, you’re a beauty I hope you choose me enter jacuzzi You can eat up my sushi I’ll cuddle for enjoyment I want to be your boyfriend I don’t mind if you’re annoying Ill get you coffee in the morning Oh girl you’re perfect My dick you deserve it Please baby don’t hurt it I’ll show you how to jerk it Your body is so curvy Now you got me so nervy If you think I’m nerdy, you Delirious; Eddie Murphy Who cares what your mum say I’m a care for you all day You’re so pretty like Grande I love you more than Harambe Reproductive Glands Going all ham Using my hands Girl. no one understands Ya Boy stink like Blue cheese My dick feels like a cool breeze I swear it ain’t that puny And if it is don’t sue me Don’t dog like snoopy Girl, I love you truly Even when you moody You’re still such a cutie We could go out for a smoothie No one else just you and me I want to touch your boobies They look oh so juicy I wanna tap that booty Slap it red like a ruby You could be my roomie We could make a movie
3.
I Saw A Girl 00:34
I saw a girl at uni I walked up to her and said excuse me You are the prettiest girl in the world You are worth more than diamond pearls It would be an honour to retrieve your number Call me anytime you need a lover I thought that I had finally wooed her But then she replied ‘I am your tutor’
4.
Mandarins 02:58
Silly Oranges, they don’t rhyme with anything Throw them away only eat mandarins If you want the orange grin and c vitamins, then you only need to eat, mandarins Prior to embarking on my cringe rap journey I better take citrus fruits to prevent scurvy Lemons and Limes I buy, are far too sour And Orange consumption takes like half an hour They’re easy to buy and they’re easy to peel Mandarins get me high, only fruit that’s real You can spit the pips at the rest of your clique Mandarins will get bitches on your dick If you handle Fanta tins than go find a man to rim I be at the local drinkin’ Mizone flavoured mandarin You now have reason to be happy when it’s freezin’ ‘cause July to October is Mandarin season ascorbic acid, makes you 6 inches Flaccid Eat it out of habit no need for a salad That stuff’s for Joey I ain’t some sort of phony If you don’t eat mandarins then you ain’t my homie So much mandarin like I’m speaking Chinese Find me at the spring temple prayin’ on my knees Worshippin’ mandarin like it’s the holy shen Thank god and heavens for evolution So the mandarins grow to a decent size You can peel it with your hands or use a butter knife I’m going home with some mandarins tonight Did I ever tell you this fruit saved my life
5.
Swaggin’ like Donald Swaggin’ like Donald Swaggin’ like Donald Pockets fatter than McDonald’s Swaggin’ like Donald Swaggin’ like Donald Swaggin’ like Donald Pockets fatter than O’Donnell I been getting’ rich since like 1946 Runnin’ this game Celebrity Apprentice Ain’t nobody hearin’ me Fresh as hell toupe If you voted Hillary What you got to say? Donald Trump swaggin’ The White House I’m bagging’ The pussy I’m grabbing’ In my station wagon Gonna have to wait a term If you want a female This spot you earn By keeping your emails 45th in power Showed up all the doubters Girl, I got a big tower Grab your pussy in the shower Mike Pence and I In the office gettin’ high On my brain not a stain Make America great again
6.
San Andreas 01:36
7.
Bike Chain 03:05
10K for this bike chain Don’t question these white stains My bass gives you migraines Rock hard abs like Mike Chang Gassed up like Propane Sniffed up some cocaine If you be steppin’ into my domain You’ll end up with a slow membrane I got weapons like Saddam Hussein I’ll put you in that aeroplane You’ll fly into that world trade Or you’ll blow up over the ukraine I’ve got racks and capital gains You’ve got fat and daisy chains If you come into my sea lane I’ll suck you up like a hurricane More popular than Star Wars Bought a Ford from the car store Girl, what you wearing’ that bra for Girl, you know my raps are hardcore She sells seashells by the seashore Pull up in my v8 commodore Rip that flesh like a carnivore and Hang you on the fence like Ecuador Get off dat dance floor I’ll rip you open like french doors I’m half horse like a centaur Your mum shops for decor BRIDGE (2 Parts) Bike chain around my neck Bike chain around my neck ASAP put that on my set My chain make the pussies wet Bike chain around my neck Bike chain around my neck 3pac shit with nuggets on deck Talk shit and you will get rekt
8.
I eat chicken or beef, whenever I please Or even oriental if I’m feeling’ Japanese This ramen beat could not get harder Noodles hot enough to bomb Pearl Harbour My Lips eat noodles like a Romeo kiss Better love story than Tokyo Drift You can eat it in ya Benz or have it in ya beamer Or in your Kawasaki, underneath Hiroshima I need the salt reduced, 99 fat free I can eat a shitload and not gain a kay gee A dollar for a cup thats unbelievably priced But even in the packet it’s better value than rice When you’re camping have a cup by the fire If you’re fully blazed then this shit will get you higher When you see a Uni student with the dilated pupils You know they’re eyeing off some 2 minute noodles 5 pack of Maggi’s is all I can afford When the cupboard’s empty, I’m falling’ on my sword A bit of sweet chilli sauce can never fail Almost as good as eating sushi or humpback whale
9.
You needa be a good boy if you want some presents You needa be a good Girl if you want some presents Coming up to Christmas Writing up my wishlist Getting many riches I leave the grinch in stitches If you don't believe in Santa You are straight up cancer My favourite reindeers prancer Providing straight up banter On Santa’s lap for a picture Hey Santa nice to meet ya He then whispered in my ear Be quiet or I'll eat ya I'm like why is Santa male? I'm like why is Santa white Thats a big fail Where is the equal rights Eggnog got me tripping Im brandy custard sippin Eating turkey and chicken I hate Jesus and religion Opening up my presents Thinking of the peasants Lol they didn’t get presents Haha they are all homeless With the fam for lunch The Bon bons going snap The Crackle going crunch Then uncle touched my crack Uncle please do not hurt me I'm tryna eat my turkey He then started flirting Under table jerking When it’s all over I go and eat pavlova But now I got an odour And there’s stains on the sofa
10.
I just bought a tec and it’s got some rounds in it Pull up at your school and put some rounds in it Wet a classroom and watch them drown in it TrenchCoat Mafia, are you down with it? on some school shooter swag Propane in the bag Trench Coat Mafia My tec never Jams School Shooter Swag Don’t make me mad Walk in with my trench coat And make your family sad shoot every bully that called me a pussy Should’ve left me lone, should’ve never freakin’ pushed me I want to see red but I ain’t colourblind We’re gonna be the next heroes of Columbine Text friends ‘I wouldn’t come to school tomorrow’ Unless they want their families to drown in sorrow Drop off the 2 duffels of propane You kidding yourself if you think we got no aim I pop jocks in the cock with just one shot to make fake cops start shakin’ in their socks Walkin’ in the building and cause mass hysteria Your lucky the bombs didn’t blow the cafeteria Shake up the room when my gun goes boom Playin it cool, this is level on DOOM Natural Selection printed cross the chest Putting the students to the ultimate test With my sawn off shotty my nose gets snotty Wipe it on the sleeve of some dead girls body Don’t you hate it when you’re in the library just chillin’ And in walk the big boys Eric And Dylan That’s it we going out with some bangin’ This much more exciting than a lonely hangin’ You and I, Do and die, suicide together This ends now but nobody will forget us
11.
Pneumatic 02:50
Rappers monkey flippin when I rip a thick skid Leaving my witnesses dead along with the victims Here’s some real rap that’s gonna be classic Inflate it with air ‘cause it’s fully pneumatic Hard to understand that Nas is still at it never could replicate the great Illmatic I’ll tell you a tale about the city I grew up in Killed a lot of people, yeah about twenty dozen Was born in the hood, too hard for some Lifestyle is good, No need for a gun I’m cruisin’ through chuke with food in the boot Spending’ the loot however I choose Oh no shit, big chopper now on my tail Damn these coppers could send me straight to jail If I get shot I’m gonna need some new tyres The oxygen could blow up and start a big fire Pop goes the tyres, oh shit I got a puncture Stingers on the road from a cop undercover Need some oxygen to get down in my airway Not gonna puff sitting’ bent up in the stairway Bullets whizz passed but I don’t even flinch Each one about a thousand pounds per square inch 2 jakes on my tailgate the berries all blazed Imma make a stalemate and leave them all dazed Road turns to 2 lanes they must think I’m insane Killer on the road with a toad squirmin’ in the brain Slow right up to let them catch up Pick up my shotty and buck buck buck 2 shots in one and 1 in the other Heads hit the wheel and they park in the gutter I race home quick, so no one sees what I did I got a lot of drugs and shit, back home at the crib Back at the crib now, paranoid as shit now I’m a well known crim, and this not a big town Adrenaline rushes everytime I hear a peep I never nap, cause napping is the cousin of sleep Hope you liked my story, hope it wasn’t boring Most fans have less attention span than Dory I think I’ve gone bonkers like dizzee rascal My head is filled up with excessive kilopascals
12.
Windows XP 01:17
Windows XP, PC's Supreme If you like Macs then you are mainstream Windows XP, PC's Supreme If you like Macs then you are mainstream Error Error Error that PC terror Windows XP from the 2000s era Get on the compy, throw away my sister As if I’m gonna upgrade to Windows Vista Tryin to watch porn don’t let my mum see I got more viruses than an African country Internet Explorer explores more than Dora But stuff that when you’re a gun pinballer Play until the PC wants to freeze And that’s when you press Ctrl Alt Delete I never send the error report Always got my floppy disk for support Grass on the hill reminds me of heaven Why’d you get replaced in 2007 I edjaculate when I hear the start up sound Not even angry when a virus is found If you use a Mac then you take big load ‘Cause you know Mac stands for Mega Arse Chode

credits

released December 12, 2016

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Wesda Melbourne, Australia

Worst rapper on the internet

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